My days have been filled with the process of recovery and ‘survival’ for the last three and a half weeks and for the first time today, after my hour long shower process, I felt a distinct need to have a purpose for my day - or should I say, I felt a gapping hole, an absence of purpose and my instinct was to find a way to fill it with something PRODUCTIVE.
‘Purpose’ is such an unusual concept and one that I think is thrown around in a way
too serious way than it really should be.
As a person who has been through the whole ‘live your purpose’ genre of self-development, I came out the other side with the very obvious realisation that a person’s ONLY purpose in life is to be themselves.
You don’t have to do anything, be anything or create anything other than YOU.
For many people, and yes me included, this lead me momentarily down a path of ‘who am I’, ‘what is my authentic self’, ‘who do I really want to be’ and ultimately I landed in the world of ‘I’m not good enough’, perpetuated by social media’s innate ability to infinitely enable a person to compare themselves to the heavily curated life, career, business and achievements of everybody else.
Isn’t this just totally complicating things though? Looking for the hardest way to achieve your purpose of naturally being yourself?
It absolutely is, because you can’t be anyone else right? AND you being you at any given moment is you being you - ‘authenticity’ is irrelevant, when you can’t be anything other than who you are.
Would you argue now that who you are is ‘not good enough’ and that you want to be more like someone else who appears to have everything worked out - the perfect life? Well, luckily, that is your choice. No one sets or accepts the benchmarks of what is good enough for you - only you do. If it works for you and it enables you to study harder, work smarter, achieve your goals or give you a greater sense of fulfilment and happiness, then good for you.
But if the benchmarks you’ve set for yourself make you depressed, prevent you from getting anything done, suffocate your relationships or make you hate who you are, then it might be time to re-evaluate them. Are your measures of ‘good enough’ fair, realistic and working for you? No? Then adjust them and make them achievable and effective for your sense of self.
The world has changed significantly in the last few decades and the expectations of what it means to be a valuable person in society have loosened. But subconsciously, we still hold on to the ideals that are gifted to us by TV, movies, advertising, social media, schooling and social systems. But these are all just illusions, ethereal expectations and self-chosen ideals - because you have chosen whether consciously or subconsciously to believe them. And you can un-believe them if you choose to. Each individual has the power to change their own ideals for themselves, especially when you enter adulthood!
As I sit down this morning with the big gapping hole of my day before me, I struggle with feelings of uselessness due to my continued failure to get work and my inability to get around much with my injury. But I’ve had to seriously adjust my expectations of what I can achieve right now, emotionally, mentally and physically, and I have to be okay with that or I’ll just continue to cause myself emotional hardship. I’m sick of crying and feeling sorry for myself. I want to get on with life. So in my limited capacity today I decide to fill my day with just being me.
ABBA music on, notebook and marker in hand, imagination fired up - this moment is full.