I have no problem coming up with ideas.
If the truth be told, I have too many massive, fabulous ideas…
I talk about them, I write about them, I make plans and flow charts and begin building a website, then something happens and I lose all interest in them. The enthusiasm dies. The buzz dies. The idea dies.
Is it that the idea was no good? Or am I the problem?
I realise that I need to not write about, think about, learn about, or solicit any new ideas for a business for as long as it takes for me to get over my 'new idea addiction'.
I don’t want to be a serial entrepreneur. I don't want to start and sell businesses. I don't want to continue to create new ideas, build them and work my arse off until they are successful so that I can let them go - I don’t have the hustle in me. I don't have the drive in me to work that hard, or to network like that, or to negotiate, sell or keep talking about my latest and greatest thing.
I think instead of being an elusive entrepreneur type, I’m more of an artist. I love to get lost in the joy of creating in flow - letting the muse guide me to where I need to go.
When I focus, think about, read up on, or plan for money-making, success-making and noise-making ideas, I completely lose touch with the artist within me and I become distracted by things I actually have no deep interest in. Idealistic goals of creating huge businesses, fame, impact, changing the world... they sweep me up in their grandiosity and promise.
But my instinct always reverts back to wanting to ‘be myself’ and I cut and run, ashamed that I’ve ‘given up’ on a big idea again.
What becomes clear for me now is that quitting the big ideas is not the point at which I actually give up. The moment when I do give up is when I begin to chase the big idea in the first place. That’s when I give up on flow, that’s when I give up on my natural instinct, that’s when I give up on accepting the uncertainty of my future and that is when I give up on trusting myself and my self worth. That is when I give up on just being me.
It is the repeated pursuit of something bigger, better, more impactful that I ultimately let myself down.
It has taken me getting hit by a wall and breaking four bones in my foot (though the injury is small in the grand scheme of things) to force me to stop my trajectory forward. I've been on a path of relentless hustle to escape my anxiety about money, my future and my lack of any career.
Now I’ve stopped trying to be more than I already am, I can see that right here in front of me, I already have all I need to be successful. I already have everything that I want to be doing everyday. I have my favourite hobbies. I have access to the things that make me happy. I have everything I need to successfully be me.
No new idea needed.