It's been a few months since I've been around, and the time has gone by in a flash. I miss writing, I miss my website, and I miss having a potential business to look forward to.
I've been feeling melancholic the last few weeks, and increasingly I realise how far I have wandered off track from where I was in February.
'All the experts say' to keep your blog regular, to just keep at it, to stick to a schedule or your readers won't trust you or be loyal. I know most of you will be surprised to hear from me today, and possibly don't even remember subscribing to my irregular ramblings.
As I prepared in late February to totally change my business direction, to take a giant leap of faith forward, to show up in my passion - I let the world crumble in on me. The castle I'd planned to build no longer could support itself, and turned to dust on the early autumn winds, gone.
The astrological forces our energetic universe caused struggle, and overload, and caving in of my consciousness. And no longer could I juggle the double life responsibilities. I turned to the only obvious and stable opportunity before me, and now I suffer severely under its suffocation.
Where oh where have I gone.
I'm so deeply buried that the darkness absorbs me relentlessly, my breathing labours from its invisible grasp. No colour, no spark, no shadows, just the infinite black that is non existence. I no longer exist - I'm somebody else...
But it's from this place deep within me, that I know just who I am. And it's easy to eliminate all that I am not...
I am not a writer, I am not a coach, I am not a speaker, I am not a blogger, or a trainer, or an online entrepreneur. I am not going to change the world, I am not going to have an audience of millions, I am not going to spend my life in front of a computer spilling the endless stream of words from my mind onto a virtual page... I am not going to follow in some else's footsteps...
What I have become is not even a reflection of me, but in this intense darkness I can no longer see all of that which is unrecognisable... I can only feel the truth of who I really am.
There can be nothing else. And as I genuinely begin to feel this with every cell in my body the spark of truth begins to light up my world.
It's time to stop pretending and to start BEing me.
Hello. You haven't met me before. But I'm sure we will become very good friends.
there will be many changes happening on my website, as I align it with my goals to go back into the challenging, but obsessive fashion industry... I hope you'll stick around, as I'll still be writing with the same themes of self-exploration (I just might chuck in a few random stories about my new direction).