On Wednesday when I woke up, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt exhausted.
I dragged myself out of bed, aware that there was a full moon today, knowing that this is the culmination of giant energies that I don’t know how to explain, but I was just feeling really destroyed.
I drowsily fell into my morning routine. Last night’s dishes away, kettle on, quick tidy up, toast in the toaster, spreads on the bread and then finally ready to sit down. And on any normal morning, my mobile phone enters the picture and infiltrates the morning fog.
My normal routine then turns to wired mindlessness - reading emails consumes my attention, junk mail gets filed, social sites are checked, likes and loves given - I could be eating cockroaches for all the thought I am giving to my breakfast…
But on Wednesday I just couldn’t do it with the same enthusiasm as I usually would.
Emails felt mindless and unnecessary, so I glazed over them and dumped them in the trash. And I switched off.
Social media seemed repetitive and the articles of the organisations I follow in my feed didn’t compel me to click. I couldn’t even get through them all to find anything that friends were doing - I switched off.
All I wanted to do was sit and enjoy my breakfast. So I did.
After my morning shower, it took every cell in my body to finish an email and send one very important project that I couldn’t ignore. But then, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do any one of the many tasks on my to-do list that required me to be on a computer. So I switched off.
And I welcomed space.
I picked up some creative projects that I’d been struggling to finish, and I let myself be totally absorbed by them.
I picked up my notebook and black marker, and let myself be totally absorbed by writing.
I left my phone on the dining room table all day and let myself disconnect because I had really reached my limit. I had reached my limit of the number one thing most people consume in addicted excess - digital information.
The sense of digital drowning stayed with me again yesterday, and my awareness of its presence told the secret of how I had let it creep up on me again.
My loneliness from being away from home, my feeling of disconnection from family and friends, my fear driven low confidence and self-doubt, had culminated in an unhealthy consumption of digital information. And it was making my soul sick.
The fear of missing out was dominating my inner confidence in what I am building and I was becoming addicted to finding out the answers to questions I didn’t actually have.
Because that is what digital information sells us. That is what sells products. That is what sells services. That is what generates the money that makes the world go round.
But I couldn’t participate in it anymore.
In listening to what 'everyone else' was telling me I needed to hear, I was losing the ability to hear my own intuition. And it was feeding my self-doubt.
My soul was calling out to me from within. And I knew it was time to stop and listen.
My obligation to be ‘on call’ at all times is an expectation with nobody but myself behind it - nobody but my digital hungry ego which BELIEVES the standards of consumption that the system feeds us:
Well, yesterday I decided I wasn’t going to live by this standard anymore. I no longer believe these things. This is not my obligation. Not to the world, not to anyone else, and especially not to my ego.
I’m replacing this belief with one that works for me. I’m making switching off the new normal.
The privileges of the digital world were never created to completely kill out the rest of our lives.
They were developed to enhance our world.
They were developed as tools to make life easier so that we could spend less time waiting for information, and more time enjoying an offline life. They were developed as a tool to increase the ability for instant connection, so that we could spend more time out in the world connecting.
The digital world is just a purpose and task driven tool. It is not a replacement for our inner voice, it is not the answer to the deep questions we have within.
Because within each of us is the voice of truth.
And unless we give it the space to exist, unless we give it the silence to speak to us, all of our soul knowledge, all of our essence of being, all of our inner strength and guidance stays drowned out by the noise of the digital world around us.
So it’s time to set a new standard of what is expected with regards to digital consumption.
It’s time to stop listening to the outside world, so that we can seek the voice within.
It’s time to disconnect, so you can reconnect with you.