It's been a big 12 months since I registered the 'Fox Park' business name (the yearly ASIC bill came as a reminder 😉) and to be honest, even though I did a painful 2015 yearly review, I haven't really stopped to look at where I've come and how much in my life has changed since this time last year.
It will come as no surprise to you that a few things have gone as planned and everything else has gone awry, but one thing is for sure - I am at a point in my life that I am setting myself up to achieve dreams that I've had for a very long time.
The unplanned & scary distractions.
In the last few months, since My Love and I made the firm decision to move to Bali for a year, things haven't gone quite as planned. The company I was banking on to give me contract work and an income whilst overseas went into voluntary administration, I haven't been able to find any replacement work (I'm even being turned down for work at Woolworths!), and I ran out of savings...
Let's just say the stress on my relationship, the impact on my self-belief and the depression I have slipped into, are not the dream life I always wanted.
But there have been a few things that have occurred that I never expected, that I can only trust The Universe had planned for me all along, that I do at times catch a glimpse of what I, truly at my deepest soul desire, want for my life (even though it doesn't feel like it at times).
A life filled with passion.
For those of you who have known me for a very long time, you will know that I have always had three big passions in life:
The dreams that encapsulated these 3 passions were a swamp of muddy ideas, imagined limitations, unknown opportunities and infinite possibilities for way too many years.
I couldn't work out how to translate all of those things into one business and I didn't want to run multiple businesses at once - life was stressful enough for the many years I worked in retail and fought massive 'not-good-enough' disease, Comparisonitis and the fear of what other people thought of me...
I ended up 'hating' the fashion industry for all of its shallowness, unethical practices and its negative impact on the environment and civilizations all over the world.... This was of course compounded by how I felt about myself...
Which began to change for me when I had my big person breakdown to breakthrough...
Now, in the last 3 years, I have tried to bring the things I knew and the things I am passionate about into one business, but the focus was always off-the-mark, not quite there and 'not me'... This made me feel like even more of a fraud.
The dreams that lay dormant.
But all the bad luck that I've had since last November when My Love and I committed ourselves to moving to Bali for a year of deep immersion in growing our respective businesses, has set me on an alternate path to where I never imagined I would go... and it now feels like I'm on my way 'home'.
In the last 3 weeks, I have fallen deeply in love with creating one-off sustainable fashion pieces again.
I have fallen deeply in love with hunting in thrift and antique stores again.
I have fallen deeply in love with the prospect of traveling the world on the hunt for culture, people and items which demonstrate the incredible diversity of the unconventional beauty our world has to offer.
And I have connected with women all over the world who feel the same way about making the industry we love into something we can be proud of - in our own unique and unorthodox ways.
Bad luck? or just a shove in the right direction?
This is all I can count on.
All the bad luck, the intense fear, the tears shed, the pain in my heart and the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach - it can't have all been for nothing. It has all been so that I am forced to stop stalling on my dreams and so that in desperation of having no other way to survive I take a massive leap of faith and start putting myself out there again - as a designer and creator.
This is where The Universe has pushed me and I'm a damn fool if I do not take this as a sign and do something about it.