I've been going through a process of discovery the past few weeks.
Shopping at the Salvation Army revived my love for vintage clothing, browsing through an antique store reignited my passion for old things, and going through our apartment to begin packing up woke up the ghosts I thought I'd buried...
It's startling sometimes what pain can arrive from events that occurred years ago, sometimes called cellular memory, or more often than not, reliving the nightmares, why do we hang on to these 'antiques in the cupboard' when in all efforts we have moved beyond this part of our past?
I'm someone who absolutely loves relics, vintage, and antique things - unique in their rarity, and precious in their age, I love the way they look, feel, smell, and the energy they emit. But although I look to the past for design inspiration, and visual pleasure, when it comes to my mindset - I have always been forward focused, a future thinker, a dreamer of what is coming. So to have bad memories bring me to my knees in pain and tears, I felt completely unstable, and disturbed, and this stayed in my body for days...
How can I not forget, when the forgiving happened so long ago?
A moment in time
We watched the most beautiful film on the weekend - 'Inside Llewyn Davis' which was about a folk singer in the early 1960's. The clothing, vehicles, furniture, and ambience of the film swept my heart up in their arms and danced it around the room - I have found my bliss era.
Though this time and place has passed 50 years ago, it is still alive and well in the minds of film makers, musicians, artists, and designers. It's still alive in the antique stores and in Salvos, and in every chip on a sideboard, every hole in a jacket, every scratch in a vinyl record - the history of these items becomes a part of it, and gives its personality greater strength, more validity, and absolutely more beauty in my eyes.
So although it might hurt to think of an event from the past, and a once broken bone may ache in the cold, or a scar be left from an operation when you were a kid, it is a part of your history, its a part of the person you once were, it has made you into the person you are today.
The pain might linger, but it's just another chink in my armor, and just as the scratch does not deter from the beautiful music that still plays from our Simon and Garfunkel record, it doesn't change who I have become over the last 6 years. For I have improved with every experience and with every year, and my life just keeps getting better.