The journey of the last few months has been a hard one. The road I'm treading down is becoming more and more familiar, but the direction I'm walking in is completely unknown. The big trees surrounding me block out the rising of the sun, so there is no East or West, just a pocket of light that shines brightly for a short period of everyday. And it is during this time that I look to the heavens and pray for a way out.
My map is totally useless now, I'm way off the page, and the constant folding and unfolding of the delicate paper, is slowly shredding it, and soon it will only be good for sparking a camp fire.
The only nourishment keeping me alive is to hear the same story told, again and again like it is on replay - the secret to my escape hidden amongst the litany of words from a saviour that feeds me. But the thickness of the jungle from which I need to navigate are filled with the noises of growling ferocious animals, my fear is real to me...
I dream that one day I will emerge from the density of this jungle world victorious as one who has escaped certain death from the clutches of fear's strangulating weeds. I see myself standing tall having scaled the highest mountains, swam the deepest oceans, walked the longest roads, to get to where I want to be - a survivor, an adventurer, a woman of strength and ability.
But right now, as the sun dips back beyond the trees, the dark begins its daily ritual of seeping through the ground, and slowly surrounding me in suffocating dread.
I'm not the only one who wakes up most days thinking - "Where the hell am I!?" I'm not the only one who doesn't know how she got here. But camaraderie in this instance is not an escape plan, and the jungle feels just more suffocating with too many people in it...
I know how I got here, my ego lead me into the darkest caves. But there is no treasure hidden here, only blood sucking bats wanting a piece of me. I spend all day fighting them off and late into the night, until I'm just a skeleton of who I really am. The corpse of my beloved friends surround me, and though I do not want to let go - I cannot take them with me.
There is no one who can help me out of here - I have no choice but to go it alone now. The only one who can save me from here is me, the only one who can discover the path is I, the only light that will shine to show me the way is the light that shines through me in my pursuit of freedom.
finding yourself in the unknown
forgo the map, take faith instead
I will not be relying on a survivor manual to get me out of this one, nor a compass or map - the direction I'm going in has no clear path, the only assistance I need will be the animalistic and spiritual guidance of instinct.
As all adventurers on a life threatening journey, the vision of triumph is the food for our spirit, we do this not for anyone else, but for selfish reasons of survival and self-existence.
But in the pursuit of your freedom do not underestimate the power of your faith in the universe. Do not underestimate the effect you will have on others.
Although your pursuit for freedom may seem selfish, the results of your triumph resound throughout the universe. For when one achieves their freedom from the jungle, another follows closely in your footsteps. For the light that shines through you comes not from within you. The light that shines through you is the light that connects us all, the light of our existence, the light of our humanity, the light of our infinite soul.
In the direction of my dreams I tread, and with each growl nipping closely at my heels, and each vine that reaches to entangle my body again, I realise the existence of this jungle world, though a world so real I can reach out and touch it, the smells so strong, the sounds so loud, the energy so absorbing - it is not real - it is all in my head. The power of fear is just within my mind.
As I begin to differentiate between what's real, and what is not, it strengthens my resolve. The fear I see is in other's eyes, but no longer reflected from my own. My adventure in this jungle realm is close to complete, I have a new one to begin. As I pack my bag for my next adventure, I won't need so much stuff. My faith alone will sustain my journey, and my love for exploration keep me going.
is escape inevitable?
And if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend watching the full version of Jim Carrey's Commencement Speech at MUM, it just may be the best investment of 26 minutes you make today. Well worth every second.
"Take a chance on faith — not religion, but faith. Not hope, but faith. I don’t believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it." Jim Carrey