I totally wish I could switch off my care factor. How often do we make decisions and do things because we feel like we 'have to' or because we worry about letting someone else down...
Isn't it us who is going to live with the consequences though? Isn't it you who will be kicking yourself in one hour, one day, one month time - 'why the f*ck did I choose this for my career/study/business - it's not what I want??'
Last night on 'If You are the One' this candidate (poor sucker he was destined to not get a girl - totally took the wrong approach) spent the whole first video talking about the four bad choices he had made which sent him in the wrong direction in life. And the thing they had in common? He listened to what his cousin or his friends or the experts told him he should choose for his career pursuits. This guy was wanting perfection so badly, he trusted other people's opinions over his own.
Now we won't go into the whole perfectionist thing - you can read how I feel about that here.
But we will go into the 'trusting other people's opinions over your own' thing...
This is something we all struggle with at some time or another. We want people to like or love us. We don't want to disappoint our parents. We don't want to seem flaky or flighty or indecisive. So we make choices that do not come from the soul - and DO end up making us unhappy, frustrated and sometimes even resentful of the people we were trying to impress in the first place...
And even sometimes it makes us sick, our bodies shut down, or our inability to do anything at all leaves us paralyzed in our fear of admitting we made the wrong choice.
Why oh why do we do this to ourselves?
2014 was a crap year for me. When I look at the finer details to find out why, it was because I was making choices based on an agenda that did not involve fulfilling my purpose. Of course I had some successes and I achieved things I never would have thought I could.
But the decisions I made to do these things were because I thought I had no alternative. I wanted to rush things through for immediate change, instead of waiting until I really knew what my ‘HELL YES!’ was. I was following what the ‘experts' said was best for me, and I was really unhappy.
Getting in touch with my ‘HELL YES’ has become the most important thing in my world for 2015. I want to feel ALIVE everyday when I get out of bed. I want to feel like I am living authentically and being true to the life I dream of.
As mentioned in my last post, Carolyn Southwell introduced me to the HELL YES method for making decisions. When presented with a choice to make - chose the thing that brings out a resounding HELL YES from the bottom of your soul. And if its not a HELL YES - its a no.
But what if neither option is a HELL YES? Quite frankly, both are a no. And you have to find out what you need or what is missing so you can make it a HELL YES.
Taking this into 2015 has meant some scary realisations, some big lessons, and some hard decisions that I now have to make. Transforming the whole of your life to become HELL YES is not an easy journey. It means making choices for yourself, and risking other people being unhappy.
It would be awesome to not give a f*ck what other people think of the choices we make, but the hard fact is - we do care. We care about the people we love and we don’t want to lose them if we think they might not approve of our decisions.
But when you make the HELL YES choices in your life - the joy you feel will make the hard choices worthwhile. And it will also mean you are being honest, authentic and truly inspiring with the people you love.